User Profile

Once you get to know me better, you will, I hope, discover that there is actual substance behind the crude humor and the fits of silly.

I am real. I am flawed. Grow up and get over it.

I am also double-jointed. *eyebrow wiggle*

If you dangle your modifier for me, then I'll split your infinitive. Is that a threat or a sexual innuendo? ;-)

Excuse me. I believe you have my stapler.

And you should know that the great state of Vermont will not apologize for its cheese.

I am a nonconformist, impulsive, a risk-taker, a sensualist, arrogant, ruthless, an evil genius, a cerebral cupid, and funny.

I am also a dork, a nerd, brainy, creative, honest, sincere, genuine, skeptical, realistic, idealistic, angry, witty, sassy, sharp as the blade of a fucking knife, passionate, passionate, passionate, passionate, and did I mention real? My meaning, I trust, is crystal clear.

I am at once pessimistic and filled with hope.

I write poetry. Some of it is very, very strong. Some of it is, at best, adequate. Some is plain bad. All of it is me exorcising my emotions onto the page or screen.

I am selfishly deviant and a juggernaut of sin. Rawr.

One of the nuns at the Catholic grade school I attended called me a dirty heretic. I was 9 years old. My reaction? I smiled and bowed. She didn't dare smack me for it.

I hate asshats.

Amy Sedaris is a genius. So is Stephen Colbert. That is all.

"Is my daddy is gonna be fixed now?"

I taste music, I cry it, I scream it, I bleed it. Melodramatic much? No, I just really, really, really love music, and I am fortunate enough to sing more than a few songs quite well, though I am hardly a trained singer.

My favorite childhood book is The Velveteen Rabbit.

I love Shakespeare in the Park and the chance to frolic in the rain.

I can understand Italian and Portuguese if the person speaking does so slowly, but I answer in Spanish (again, very slowly so it is not lost in translation).

I am a Romantic, but NOT of the Celine Dion, flowers, crap Hallmark card variety. My variety of romance is just as offbeat as I am, although I would so love to be able to find my Mr. Darcy. Indeed, if I must choose between being alone forever and being with a Mr. Collins, then--by all means--alone I'll remain.

That said, I don't believe in soul mates, I don't like getting flowers, and I don't like thoughtless trinkets. Play me one of my favorite songs, walk with me across the Brooklyn Bridge, give me a book, and be prepared to kiss me . . . a lot.

I would fuck Sartre. Yes, I know what he looks like.

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